Guide

01 Introduction

We live in an age of information overload, yet certain topics remain shrouded in reticence and silence—such as women's self-care.

Many feel curious yet unsure where to begin, even growing perplexed due to a lack of proper guidance.

I've received numerous private messages from readers, and one simple question—'How does one practise self-relaxation?'—made me realise this is not merely a personal journey of discovery, but a worthy subject for public education. Thus, I've decided to share my experiences and reflections in this article, hoping to offer a guiding light for women navigating this uncertainty.

02 The Feeling Like "Instinct"

Once, a female reader asked me how to relax oneself. At first glance, the question seemed straightforward, yet when it came to answering, I found it difficult to organise suitable language and logic to describe it succinctly.

The skill of self-relaxation bears some resemblance to a baby suckling at its mother's breast – similar, yet distinct. For a newborn, suckling at the breast is almost an innate instinct. Similarly, for many people, self-relaxation carries a hint of this "instinct" – a natural impulse to seek pleasure and comfort, seasoned with a touch of "exploration", gradually feeling one's way within one's own little world. Over time, this technique becomes increasingly proficient, eventually reaching a state of consummate mastery.

This mastery can be summed up as truly becoming the master of one's own body, familiarising oneself with its rhythms, and even guiding a partner to explore its wonders together in the future.

For many women, the way this door is opened varies, often arising by chance. Some first experience pleasure by clutching a duvet or pillow, others are inadvertently triggered while playing on horizontal bars or slides, and still others discover that sensation while cycling. Whatever the circumstance, it ultimately boils down to two words: friction.

My experience was somewhat unique, as this switch was activated by a peer around the age of five or six. A little girl I played with shared this delightful secret with me, and we innocently explored it together. Readers, please don't misunderstand—to a child's eyes, those areas that make adults blush and heart race are no different from hands or feet, entirely detached from adult connotations.

The scene went something like this: 'Hey, I've found this spot feels really nice when pressed. Let me try it on you.' 'Wow, that feels amazing. Could you press it again?'

Once that switch was flipped, that primal, natural impulse could never be turned off again.

03 The Vexing 'Sense of Shame'

For a long time, I didn't know what to call what I was doing. It was simply a way I found to amuse myself in my own little world. It wasn't until university that I discovered online this behaviour had a name—self-pleasuring.

I recall cycling to and from primary school. When descending slopes, I'd deliberately shift forward on the saddle. The potholed road meant the bicycle's pointed seat would occasionally jolt against my sensitive areas. That secret pleasure felt like a breeze embracing the whole summer.

Do you find massages pleasurable? To my younger self, this behaviour felt no different. Even the associations with romantic feelings only entered my consciousness much later. For some women, the physical act of friction often precedes the related imaginings, with both eventually complementing and resonating harmoniously.

Truthfully, when parents observe their child (regardless of gender) engaging in behaviour they deem inappropriate in public, the correct approach isn't harsh reprimand or correction. Instead, they should calmly explain: 'Touching your own body is perfectly fine, but it's a private matter best done in the bathroom or bedroom. Doing so in public isn't quite appropriate.'

04 Study Guide

The above pertains to the realm of self-exploration, though it's true that some individuals fail to activate this switch early on. Even upon learning the term 'self-relaxation,' they remain uncertain how to practise it. In truth, the matter is rather straightforward. It should be clarified that the self-relaxation I describe here does not involve deep penetration; it simply entails gently rubbing the bean to achieve the bean lamb's nest.

Take my own experience as an example: as a child, I primarily sought pleasure through external friction. Initially, I would sandwich myself between bedding or pillows; others might use their legs. Later, I developed the habit of pulling a pillowcase or similar soft fabric between my hands, rubbing it back and forth with a slight upward motion. Afterwards, I'd always feel a pang of guilt, smoothing out the pillowcase's creases and returning it to its place. Thankfully, it went undetected for years.

Later still, I discarded the pillowcase altogether. Rubbing with both hands achieved the same effect, and eventually, I could manage it effortlessly with just one hand, freeing the other to browse light-hearted content on my phone.

This article is worth reading for both men and women, as some men harbour misconceptions about female self-pleasure. To women, I'd say: there's no shame in such simple acts of self-gratification. Your body, your choice.

05 Conclusion

Having written this far, I hope this piece serves not merely as a straightforward guide, but as a gentle dialogue about our relationship with our bodies and ourselves.

Whether or not you choose to explore this path, what matters is learning to accept yourself and shed unnecessary shame.

Our bodies are unique gifts; understanding and treating them well is the greatest respect we can show ourselves. May every reader find their own peace and joy, at their own pace.

Remember: Self-care is not selfish. Understanding your body is empowering. There is no shame in pleasure.